I have a phantom masseuse at the Chiropractor. My Chiro walks out of the room every time saying "Ok, just lie face down and my assistant will be in to do some muscle work in a minute."
I make myself comfortable and lay my face into the pillow briefly before hearing the door creep back open. I wait a few awkward moments before a deep male voice says "Hello Jessica."
To avoid making it too awkward, I cheerily greet him back and then we don't speak again for the rest of our time together.
The room is always so quiet and I hear every bit of noise that he makes. Sometimes I hear his stomach growl and wonder if he is hungry. It's weird because I don't know whether to laugh or comment, I don't know what he is thinking, perhaps he is glad I don't know who he is when things like this happen.
Sometimes when he is down low, really getting into my shoulder muscles, his face becomes so close to my ears that I hear him lick his lips. Thirsty? Or does he think I look delicious in my baggy jumper and leggings?
It's always funny when his arms have to go around my head to reach my back, I can feel his arm hairs tickling my ears, it's always kind of gross and disturbing, but I enjoy telling people. Although I haven't seen my phantom masseuse, I picture him as being a fury chap.
The first time I was in there he put his hands on my shoulders and took them back off, put them back on and took them back off. He then rubbed them together really loud as if he was about to do something which took a lot of courage and then he put them back on. They weren't even any warmer.
I can't wait until my next trip to the Chiro to spend time with me phantom masseuse.
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